Sunday, August 24, 2008

If you do the crime, be prepared to spend the time...

Ok, so I've been busy. But also preoccupied with stuff...alot of stuff. More than any mom should have to deal with.

A couple days ago there was an article in our newspaper about some kids from wealthy families stealing stuff from cars (car shopping as they call it nowadays) laptops, mp3s, spare change, you name it-they found it. And they had quite a haul, since there was a photo of recovered stuff in the paper. Now these are kids whose parents could BUY them all these things and more, as the paper said, they came from very wealthy families and stole stuff mostly from the "good neighborhoods". I am sure these kids parents, doctors, lawyers, educators, whatever and whoever they are are ashamed and disgraced by their kids actions. I mean, they could buy whatever these kids wanted, and I am sure they wanted for NOTHING. Well, it seems they DID want for something- marijuana, and we all know if you go up to your parents and ask them to give you money so you can buy a joint or even a baggie of pot to share with your friends what the normal response will be. (though I do know some parents who would gladly chip in, if it meant sharing the pot with THEM)

So, all these stolen goods were sold for pot and these poor little rich kids spent their spare time getting stoned. I am not rich, don't live in the rich section of town-but have the same problem. My 15 yr old likes to get stoned, and after 9 weeks in outpatient rehab back in 2006 when he was 12 by the way-has learned NOTHING. I live in the type of neighborhood where a lot of the parents party with their kids. I bought a home which was affordable to us, as I didn't want a mortgage in the "better part" of town that I couldn't pay later on. But I guess living in the better part of town also runs its own risks too.

In between getting a new kitten, planning for my trip, my poor health and working my a$$ off I have the great news that my son (who is SUPPOSED to be living with his father (my ex)-a drunk himself and not any help with any of the therapy and programs I have tried over the years as he refused to participate) has 4 -as in FOUR felonies and a theft of services (taxi cab) and a court date Nov. 10th, which I must attend, but dad is too busy to go to. Hmmm... sure he is. The felonies you ask? Well, it seems that my son, his girlfriend, and her brother (who is 19 and in jail now) broke into apts. in the building where his dad lives. Laptop, gold jewelry, 32 inch flat screen tv, multiple game systems, mp3's, cash all gone. Felony burglary x2, Felony theft x2 and to get up to dads, they took a cab and refused to pay him. (theft of services) Alot of the stuff was pawned, for marijuana, a couple nites in the hotel, alcohol and one heck of a party. The girlfriend's family bought some of the stuff themselves-and the TV was in the girlfriends room. Now, if my son came home with a new TV, gold jewelry he wanted to sell me or whatever, I 'd sure be asking where the heck he got it. These people got off lucky, they used the excuse that my mother was "getting rid of her stuff" and gave it to my son to sell. Uh huh, and with the price of gold the aunt sure got a bargain for a 24kt necklace at 10 bucks, huh?

My son has mental health issues in addition to substance abuse issues. I've tried many services but for now they have stopped as he refused to participate in them. I know, as well as friends know, that I have done as much as possible for that kid and I just can't do it anymore. Yes, he is facing time in the detention center-with previous brushes with the law he has been lucky but that luck has now run out-and he could be there until he is 21. My take on this is that there he will be getting the services he needs, help for his substance abuse and I will know where he is at night. He will have to deal with rules, since he can't live with mine and that is why he left in the first place-but these rules are much, much stricter than he could imagine. I am embarrassed, ashamed and disappointed and wonder where on earth I failed as a parent. I bet those wealthy parents are wondering the same thing this weekend as their kids face charges as well. Like I've said before, everyone's blogs seem so damn perfect, and here I am blogging about my juvenile delinquent son. It is sad for the family, for those that know and love him as he wasn't raised in a horrible home and always had whatever he needed. His little sister is confused and hurt, and seeing the police yet again with her big brother hasn't helped. Our trip to TX will be just the 3 of us, and hopefully we will have a few good days away to relax and have fun. Then, I will have to come back and face reality. And that reality will probably be restitution and court dates, and more counseling and more programs and repeating all the stuff I already did once before.

I am behind on posting, behind on mailing my giveaway item, behind on everything, all because of last weeks events. I debated even whether to post this on my blog. But I am posting it, because I want other parents to know that even though your child hurts you, disappoints you and does something horribly wrong one day-he/she is still your child. You will love them, try to help them, and when that doesn't work realize the time has come to let them hit rock bottom. Only then will they pick up the pieces and want to work on helping themselves.


Steph said...

Perfect? No, not hardly. By the way, don't lose hope for your son. People can learn and grow with a wakeup call like that.

gmcountrymama said...

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I hope your son gets the help he needs.
It is great you are being honest about all this. No, our blogs,lives, aren't perfect, at least not mine! Thinking of you.

BlapherMJ said...

This is the first time I've visited your blog, and here I am reading this post.... Things happen for a reason.

I'm living proof that problemsin your teenage years don't mean you'll be like that forever. Your son needs you to stand firm behind him now more than ever. The issues with your ex may very well be part of the problem, but your son doesn't know how to express it... I've got that same issue going on myself. :-) It may take a while, but things will work out. Keep the faith!