Friday, May 14, 2010

The Other Male in My Life....



My hubby is jealous. I've got another male in my life-and hubby doesn't like it. See, I've bonded with this guy. We have an understanding, and I could swear that he knows what I am thinking. He's SO much more in tune to me than hubby will ever be.

When I am gone, he misses me terribly. People even tell me he cries for me. If I am outside, but out of view, I can hear him wailing in the house. Of course, he will shut up the minute I walk in the door and give him my full attention.

To make matters worse, I let him sleep with me. This drives my hubby insane. He hates sharing his bed with anyone, but hubby works nights, so what he doesn't know won't hurt him. And I made my kids promise to never tell. Lucky for the other male in my life, he hears hubby long before I do, and slinks away before the door opens and he's caught red handed in my bed.

I don't even need an alarm clock in the morning, I'll get woken up by a loving nudge or head butt right around the time I need to take the kids to school or go to work. I swear he has some sort of an internal clock that knows my schedule by heart. When I was working, and came home for lunch, he'd be by the door, waiting patiently for a little love. And perhaps a treat or two.

Last week, as I was sitting by my computer wondering what on Earth I was going to do next, he demanded some love and attention for the 100th time that day. Hubby was sleeping (or so I thought) so I bent down and gave him a kiss on the top of the head. He reciprocated, with a nudge to my cheek and a cold, wet nose pressed to my lips. I had to laugh, those whiskers were tickling me! Hubby, awakened by the noise looked over and saw... my cat. Stubby was nestled into my neck and he was purring with glee.

It was too late. Images of the green eyed monster flashed before my eyes as hubby focused on the object of my attention. And saw that it wasn't HIM. Hubby shouted an obscenity at the cat, startling him, and he promptly jumped down onto the floor and scurried away, but not before shredding my neck in the process.

I cried out, bleeding and in pain. Hubby looked guilty but seemed a bit pleased with himself as well. I ran to the bathroom and checked my neck, tears welling up in my eyes. The cat found me and looked at me with those sad eyes similar to Puss in Boots during the Shrek movie right before he shredded those soldiers with his mighty sword. Only the shredding had already been done, and he knew he'd been a bad boy. I'm okay, I've got a few cuts and puncture marks but they will heal. Stubby's currently playing it safe by staying away until hubby heads to work-then he'll join me on the bed later on.

Hubby came home the next morning and showed me the Band-Aid on his finger. I asked him what happened. He said I'd cursed him. (he's convinced I am a witch, you know) Apparently he sliced a good chunk of his finger off with a utility knife at work. He blamed me. He blamed the cat. I told him I know who did it. It was the Green eyed monster and if he wasn't careful that wouldn't be the only appendage he'd come close to losing. He paused in thought for quite some time, and later, when he saw the cat jump up and demand attention from me, he turned his attention towards the TV.

Knowing that they were low on food, I went to the bathroom to check their dish. It was full. Apparently there had been a peace offering issued sometime during the early morning hours. At around the time hubby gets home from work. I can't wait to see what Stubby will offer to hubby-a hairball perhaps, some fleas (along with bites), or even a second-hand dead mouse that my outdoor kitty Tippy brings inside to show off his hunting prowess. The truce appears to be working, hubby has been ignoring the cat, even though said cat has been demanding more of my attention just to see what hubby will do. I'm relieved, I still have my neck and jugular vein intact-the cat is happy I'm still able to show him love, and hubby has resigned himself to the fact that he has to share my love with another... even if that "other" happens to be a furry feline.

3 comments:

lmarroquin_68 said...

lol.lol....lol....poor hubby....lol

Misfit Momma aka Missy said...

Too funny :)

My cats sleep with me too. I call the oldest one my babies' protector because she always sleeps right next to her. Sometimes she even puts her paw on her like she is hugging. The other one sleeps on my pillow. There is a third cat , but I don't know where she sleeps. She is shy and I only see her when I am giving out food..or when she is trying to escape out the front door.

Misscrabbypants said...

lol Oh gosh. Thanks for the laughs.
Sounds like hubby has got it cut out for him alright.