Sunday, December 27, 2009

They Dropped A Bomb On Me!

Okay, I just have to fess up. I mean, I have known it for a couple weeks now, but have not wanted to face it. I am pretty much in a state of shock, disbelief, and have to admit I was praying for it not to be true.

Usually the news of a pregnancy is a wonderful thing. Congratulations are in order and it's an exciting time. When my son's girlfriend got pregnant at 13, had a baby at fourteen, and recently turned 15 this past Fall, I watched two sweet young kids give up the most precious time of their lives to become teen parents. My son just turned 17 in December, and while they should be at school functions, dances, the movies-whatever, they are home taking care of a child.

The girlfriend comes from a very messed up home. Case in point: she was 14, in labor, and her mother left her 15 minutes after I got there to go drink at home. Mom never came back, and I ended up being the one to hold her hand while coaxing her through contractions because my son was a nervous wreck who spent more time in the bathroom puking than in the labor and delivery room. Her older siblings were all removed from the State and from what I assumed, once she quit school in 6th grade she was also headed in that direction. But for whatever reason, they kept her there.

The State knows that she lives with us. They have come in, investigated, and determined all was fine. After the trauma of childbirth was over, things began to get back to normal. And they of course resumed their sex life. I can't say I expected them to stop now that they had a child. But I did discuss prevention and birth control with them. I even called the State trying to help her set up a post partum appointment-and in the meantime she assured me that she was going on the pill since she didn't need to have parental permission to get her birth control pills at the local clinic. The unfortunate thing is that my hands were tied: while the State and everyone knows that she lives with me, her benefits go to her mother because she is a minor. The local Medicaid office understood the situation, but without her mother signing a paper allowing me to make appointments and such, I was shit out of luck. And for her mother, there was no signing anything that might take away any part of her food stamps or welfare benefits.

I knew that the pill was not going to work. Because that is supposedly how she got pregnant the first time. Her mother said she had stopped taking them because "they made her sick." When I questioned her mother as to WHY she would not put her sexually active teen daughter on another form of birth control she just shrugged her shoulders and walked off. Let me explain by saying that my son and this girl have been together on and off for the past four years or so. Her life has not been an easy one and I don't blame her completely, I understand that given the family life she had she was searching for love, but in all the wrong places-and making a baby with someone is not the right way to go about it. She is still just a child herself.

Awhile back she told me that she wanted to go on Mirena, and had mentioned it at one of her appointments. They told her in order to do so, her mother would have to come in and sign some paperwork. Her mother refused to get up off her drunken @$$ to do it, even though she can manage to walk to the store for her 12 pack daily in sleet, snow or ice.

So then, the inevitable happened. They dropped a bomb on me. A second time. They both called me down to the bathroom and my trembling son began explaining what I did not want to hear. How she had missed her period that month and that the pregnancy test that she bought came back positive. Twice. He knew by the look on my face that I was not happy. Their baby is 6 months old now, and they can barely care for him. They yell, fight and are constantly stressed by him. And now, another one was on the way.

I have a feeling that I'll be getting another social services visit soon enough. I've already asked the school to help out, and please get this kid a case worker who can coordinate her medical care and other things she needs to do-because my hands are tied and without her mother's signature I am unable to do anything. It sounds cruel, but I know that she NEEDS this. And it might mean she is removed from the home. But without the state or court involved, I have no rights whatsoever. And she could be spitting out kids every year until she turns 18, and that is not something I could handle. My son knows he failed on his part as well. He knows he should have used protection. But he thought that it couldn't happen so soon after having a baby, and it was only a couple of times. I'm disappointed in both of them, and they know it.

In the meantime, we wait and see what happens. I've always wanted to have grandchildren, but I first wanted my own children to be grown up. And if history repeats itself, Jose and I may be raising babies way into our fifties. Lucky for me he has been understanding about the whole thing-I don't know if I would be if the tables were turned.


lmarroquin_68 said...

wow!!!!!! im here and will help all i can.i have plenty of time on my hands and if the kids need me to watch lil d......I WILL PROUDLY!!!!!

All My Yesterdays said...

Wow is right..What a mess you, and they, are in. I hope this turns out good for everyone involved but it sounds like you have a long road ahead. First thing is to get help if you're going to keep letting them stay with you. I know the system is messed up. But there has to be something out there...
And so good that you're not alone is this.
BTW, did you get your plate?

Expat Mom said...

Oh man. I would have a rough time handling that, though considering I was pregnant with Dante when Dorian was 7 months old, I can see how it could happen. At the very least, you're going to have two very adorable grandbabies. I hope social services will help you with Tiffany and get her on something longer lasting. Another option could be Depro Provera . . . a shot every three months and maybe it wouldn't require permission from her mom?